When a child has a sibling during adolescence, how the child experiences adolescence is one of the factors that increase sibling jealousy in children. In the process of adapting to their own physical and mental changes, trying to adapt to the changes at home can be chaotic for the adolescent. In mid-adolescence, sibling care and the sibling's intrusion into private spaces will be challenging for the adolescent. They may be angry with their parents for this reason. In the last stage of adolescence, the sibling is no longer a problem. Sibling jealousy in children may decrease with the identification of siblings, especially those of the same sex, over time. In children, sibling jealousy can be triggered especially by parents“ words such as ”you are grown up now“, ”you are an older sister/brother".
What are the Symptoms of Sibling Jealousy in Children and Adolescents?
The main symptom of sibling jealousy in children and adolescents is that the idea of sharing parental love and attention with a sibling is challenging. Before the birth of a sibling, the child has the love and attention of the family, but unexpectedly it turns into an emotion that needs to be shared. In sibling jealousy in children and adolescents, symptoms such as the thought that they are not loved as much as they used to be, withdrawing completely from their parents, becoming withdrawn, not eating and losing weight can be seen. Expecting more attention from mom and dad than normal, regressing to the problems expected in the stage of age development, for example, problems such as wanting to suck again, bedwetting may occur.
At the same time, symptoms such as being afraid of sleeping alone, being alone, and having nightmares may be observed. In adolescents, this process can be seen with embarrassment and rejection of the sibling. There may be a decline in school success, withdrawal from the family and wanting to be alone. Parents may often ask questions that question their love. It is important to answer that both children are loved very much and differently. Saying that you love more will trigger a sense of competition.
Sibling jealousy in children can also be accompanied by restlessness and anger. They may exhibit behaviors such as wanting to harm themselves or their surroundings. They may damage toys or not share them, they may engage in aggressive behavior towards the sibling. In addition to all these, they may suppress their feelings of jealousy and show excessive interest and love towards the sibling. Losing the love of parents can be the main reason. Sibling jealousy in children and adolescents may also be caused by the inability to respond quickly to the child's different needs.
Seeing that parents have different responsibilities than before and that they respond to the needs of the sibling more quickly triggers sibling jealousy in children and adolescents. When children and adolescents experience sibling jealousy, they may also use verbal expressions such as “if I didn't have a sibling, I hate my sibling, take him/her back”. It is important not to get angry or condemn them for what they say. It is important to try to understand the reason for using these expressions. Symptoms of sibling jealousy in children and adolescents include behaviors such as hiding the sibling, not telling friends, not wanting it to be known. In children and adolescents, sibling jealousy is seen in hitting, pushing, pretending to love and acting harshly, pinching the sibling.
How is Sibling Jealousy Diagnosed in Children and Adolescents?
In order to diagnose sibling jealousy in children and adolescents, a detailed anamnesis (history) from the parents is very important. In order to diagnose sibling jealousy in children and adolescents, it is important to conduct an interview with the child or adolescent. Children may have difficulty in expressing their feelings from time to time. For this reason, it will be guiding to examine the family pictures they will draw. Sibling jealousy in children and adolescents is evaluated by a child-adolescent psychiatrist and appropriate sibling jealousy treatment is recommended.
How is Sibling Jealousy in Children and Adolescents Treated at Private Moodist Hospital?
It is very important to cooperate with the family in the treatment of sibling jealousy in children and adolescents. The family's attitude towards sibling jealousy problems is expected to contribute to the process. For this reason, it is important that the family supports the child in the treatment of sibling jealousy in children and adolescents.
In the treatment of sibling jealousy in children and adolescents, schema therapy, child-centered play therapy, cognitive behavioral therapy, EMDR therapy, solution-focused therapy, techniques and methods of family therapy are applied.
What happens if sibling jealousy in children and adolescents is not treated?
In the treatment of sibling jealousy in children and adolescents, it is important to change inappropriate family attitudes.
When sibling jealousy in children and adolescents is left untreated, uncomfortable situations may arise within the family. Even if the child or adolescent does not express the difficulties they are experiencing, they try to show it through their behavior. Problems such as withdrawal, thoughts about whether they are loved or not, physical complaints, an increase in the feeling of anxiety with the thought that if my mother or father does not love me as much as before, a decrease in school success, and difficulties in peer relations may occur.
What Can Be Done to Cope with Sibling Jealousy in Children and Adolescents?
To deal with sibling jealousy in children, it is important to give the child age-appropriate responsibility for the sibling. It will create a feeling that the child is important for his/her sibling. It helps him/her to protect and embrace him/her. It is important to spend individual time with the child as before the birth of the sibling. It is also important to spend fun times with the whole family.
The child's feelings and thoughts about his/her sibling should be treated flexibly. When there are negative feelings towards the sibling, shaming and shaming make it difficult for the child to cope with the situation. The most important reason that triggers sibling jealousy in children and adolescents is comparing children. Children should not be compared with each other. All adults around the siblings as well as the parents should give importance to not comparing siblings. This has negative consequences as it increases competition between children.
It can make the child feel inadequate and worthless. Parents should try to understand the cause of sibling jealousy in children and adolescents. Parents should give the child space to minimize sibling jealousy in children and adolescents. Forcing the sibling to love and behave well may cause the child to react more.
Suggestions for Parents of Children with Sibling Jealousy
In order to prevent sibling jealousy in children, it is important that parents prepare the child before the birth of a sibling. Parents should explain to the child in a simple and plain language that the child will have a sibling. It is important to inform the child about the changes that may occur at home. It is important to talk to the child about the differences that may occur in the lives of the mother and father. In addition to caring for the sibling, the mother should also take care of the other children so that the child does not feel abandoned.
In cases of sibling jealousy in children and adolescents, it is important to ensure that the child continues with the old routine as much as possible. Apart from the birth of a sibling, there should not be any new changes in the child's life. For example, changes such as moving to a new house or a new school will cause more difficulties for the child. It is important not to expect maturity beyond the child's age. Parents should explain to the child in an age-appropriate language why they are more interested in the baby. At the same time, they can also talk to the child about their own babyhood. It will be useful to explain that the same care was given to him/her when he/she was a baby and to look at baby photos together. Discourses such as “You are older, you are a big sister/brother” will cause the child's negative feelings towards the sibling. Showing excessive affection to the sibling or trying to treat the baby and the child equally is a wrong attitude.
In other words, not hugging or kissing the baby in the presence of the sibling is not convincing for any child. It is also wrong to tell the child that we love you and your sibling equally. Children want to be unique and special like every human being. Instead, it would be better to say something like “both you and your sibling are precious to us, we love you both very much, you are both unique to us”. In arguments between siblings, it is necessary to be neutral and even not to intervene if possible. Parents should encourage siblings to resolve their own disputes. In addition, planning family activities will increase the bond between siblings and increase the sense of family unity.
If you cannot overcome sibling jealousy in children and adolescents despite trying all these, you should definitely get the necessary psychological support from a specialist for Sibling Jealousy Treatment.
